To make you feel my love

Have you ever been asked to prove your love? I have. You wanna know the truth? No matter how ready I thought I was for it… I was wrong.
Having your feelings questioned is just about the most disrespectful thing you can go thorough….. really.
At first, when I fell in love with an English man, I kind of expected it. I used to tell him it would happen, but life proved me wrong… everyone I met at first was amazing and sweet and supportive… to the point I feel I have an independent relationship to those people, specially the girls. The ones I thought – in my self-protective way – would consider me a threat, his closest friends, those were the ones who gave me a kind of unconditional love I never ever knew existed outside my Latin, so-called warm-hearted world. No, those were the ones who embraced me and, I expect, saw my love so clearly it didn’t take a double take…

Then, came those who gave me names, the ones who pretty much called me a gold-digger without ever realising if I had stayed in my country I would have kept my pretty little career going, making a lot more money than him, and that I was giving that up for someone eles, people who never even considered my side of things, who couldn’t even accept that I had given up my private conquests for love…

And then, there is the government, the people who have forced us to spend a LOT of money just so they can judge us based on a dozen photos and some standardised questions…

Yes, I am terrified. In a month there are some strangers who might tell me our love is not enough, and that can be fucking brutal…. I’m constantly terrified. My whole future depends on a person who hasn’t ever met me. Who doesn’t even know me, or him, or the beautiful story we have built together.

So I don’t sleep. And I don’t eat. And I don’t really do anything outside of worrying. Not about glove… I know, no matter how many people and in how many ways our love gets questioned, I know it is real. It is beautiful and honest and it is forever. But that is not enough, it won’t be until some stranger says we are ok… and THAT is the brutal reality that I live in now…

I love him. I do. With my heart, and body, and soul, and something else I can’t quite describe… and I still need to prove it to strangers. I just wanted him to be here now, holding my hand and telling me “we’ve got this, Babe” in person every day. Maybe I’m asking too much, maybe not. All I can hope for is for a chance to give it all up for h this amazing man… doesn’t sound like too much to ask… does it?


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